The Last Guardian, A Cohen Brothers Videogame

That Music sound farmiliar? If you’re reading this blog it should! It’s from the Last Guardian/Trico trailer. Or rather, it’s the other way around. Whatever person cut the trailer decided it would be a great idea to use the music from the 1990 Cohen Brothers movie to promote the new game.

Here’s bettin’ that baby griffon ends up in a Wood Chipper.

This is What You Sound Like When You Explain Videogames to Your Mom.

Thank you random Youtube Teenagers, for proving a point.

Better than X-Ray Specs!

Hey! Remember the class updates for Team Fortress 2? Remember how they had those spiffy mail order coupons in em? Well, it looks like some people on NeoGAF actually sent those in to Valve, and Valve sent them back the following:

(neogaf, via Mudron on Twitter)

So if you send Valve Coupons, they’ll send you back a cool sheet of paper you can hang on your wall and stuff? Awesome!

So instead of just blankly staring at craigslist tomorrow for freelance video work and old ten speeds, I’ve decided the time might be better spent sending the following in:

You never know. Valve is just crazy enough to do it.

Phoenix Wright Meets My Wardrobe.

This shirt can be tied to that mysterious case…Two years ago….

Friends, associates, and random strangers at bars know that if there’s one thing I like babbling about incessently, it’s where to find a good deal. Whether it’s the fourteen dollar two-packs of Evan Williams at the Wine Warehouse on 8th street, the hippies in Bed Stuy that’ll give you a bike for free if you ask em nice or the savory and heart cloggin’, five-for-dollar dumplings in chinatown, nothing gets me gabbing like an Irishman quite like a good deal in a profoundly expensive city.

Which is why I guess I’ve become attracted to Japanese retailer UNIQLO’s flagship store in NYC. Aside from agressively clearencing their stock (Protip: If you go NOW you can still get a pair of skinny tapered jeans for 20 bucks, with free same day alterations), they’re stuff is essentially non-branded, simple and affordable. This is a nice contrast to the Gap, which plasters their name on everything and American Apperal, which charges 48 bucks for a freaking hoodie and subsidizes Dov Charney’s wang.

Normally the place sells really fashionable Anime-print tees from things like Great Teacher Onizuka, Tekkon-Kinkreet and the works of Osama Tezuka. Every once in a while, however, they slap a videogame on there. Last year it was all MGS4 shirts and this year they’ve expanded. They also slapped down a couple of Galaga and Ms Pac-Man machines set to free play in the middle of the store and mixed retro game samples into the ambient house music playing in the background.

I ended up leaving with the Phoenix Wright tee pictured above as well as a tee for the Famicom game The Tower of Druaga.

From the Front

From the Back

No word on how to get the shirts if you live in, say, San Fran, Canada or Seattle but I’d try calling the flagship store on Broadway (only one in the US) or having a VERY good friend in NYC that’s willing to do you a helluva solid.

What’re you looking at me for?

How to Make a Colossus Movie that Doesn't Suck

As a former film student, I’ve got my own views on adaptating movies. I’m not really ever against them. Ever. If the source material is terrifyingly corny to begin with with, then you can only go up from there; That’s why the first Mortal Kombat and Pirates of the Carribean movies were so damn good. If the source material is amazing, then reguardless of how the film turns out, you can still bask in the smug satisfaction of saying “That was nothing compared to the original”.

So when I saw Variety reporting that Shadow of the Colossus was being adapted, I wasn’t terrified. I didn’t cry or go to the bottle when they listed some of the people responsible. I did the rational thing: I asked “how can this be done right?”.

Here’s how.

Make sure it’s a good idea to begin with.

Possibly one mistake the Silent Hill movie made, aside from the clusterfuck that was the end, was the idea to make the movie in the first place. On paper or in your head it seems fine and dandy, but there are just some things that are meant to be games and some things that are meant to be movies.

Is it a good idea? Part of what made Collosus such a good game was the sense of moral ambiguity, of not knowing what you’re doing is right. Can that be conveyed on film? If not, pick something else. Simple as that.

There should be like THREE pages of dialogue in the flick. Tops.

One of the first things they attempt to beat into your head in a screenwriting class is the axiom “Show, don’t tell”. Things are more impactful when experienced than explained, and any idiot knows that.

Colossus at it’s core isn’t about what’s said, it’s about what’s implied. Barely a word is spoken, and yet critics always say it’s one of the best told stories in videogaming. Figure out why. If you can’t figure it out, watch the first thirty minutes of WALL-e and take a shot everytime a character says anything aside from they’re own name. If you still can’t figure it out, leave the film industry and work at an Ihop for the rest of your life.

Know what you’re making.

You’re making an arthouse action flick. Don’t try to pull this kinda shit on us.

Make sure this guy cool with it:

This is the guy that made the game, and you’d better make sure he’s fine with your movie and I don’t mean in a “Hey, will you shut up and take your residual check already?” kinda way. Pretend the game is his daughter and prove to him that you’ll treat her right at prom instead of getting her blotto on peach schnapps and plowing her in the back of your Chevvy Vega.

Buy him a drink. Ask him his motivations. Ask him to see concept art. Ask him what the story means to him, some funny stories about development. Ask him about himself. Make sure you do all of your homework and don’t come off like some dickhead Hollywood type who thinks he knows what’s up. Be on the level and make sure you’re close with him from beginning to completion.

Have this guy shoot it:

I’m not even kidding about this one.

Christopher Doyle, for those not in the know, is an alcoholic genius that has the ability to make anything on film look good. He’s also responsible for some of the best looking films to come out of Asia in the last 20 years and a genius at color grading. Ever see In the Mood for Love ? The Last Life in The Universe? Well he shot those, and if they don’t ring a bell, then I’m pretty sure this will;

Apt, don’t you think? And finally…

Let this guy direct it:

Kim Ki Duk’s is a Korean Director, known mainly for brilliantly subtle arthouse films. It’s kinda hard to explain why he’s a good choice, save to say his films are about what exists in the periphery, what isn’t said. Plus it helps that his characters don’t talk a lot.

All you need to know is that he directed this awesome piece of work:

And of course if all that fails, turn it into an anime and drag Miyazaki out of retirement again.